Just took my morning after pill in the library
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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