Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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