Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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