omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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