dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
its not stalking. its research.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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