there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
