you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
