At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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