Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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