I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My breasts were aching with rage.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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