So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
