Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
