at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
