A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i think my cat just said my name.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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