oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
