last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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