guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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