Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
