everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
