fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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