I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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