i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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