If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
