you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
