The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
