The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
