Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
