you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
