i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
