I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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