did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
