So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
