Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
