didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
