I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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