Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
