that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
