I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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