Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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