Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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