I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
