Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
