I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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