pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
