My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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