Grow some girl-balls and come out already
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
