Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
