I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
