Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
