Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
