Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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