I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
