It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
